Week 4 - Nothing to see here, Folks...

1??

I am not going to weigh this week, and I'll spare you my excuse (even though I know you would empathighs...urh, empathize).  It's not very lady like to discuss the cyclical happenings that cause fatigue, bloating and the inability to make one's self move from the pantry door where Sour Patch Kids and Raisinets magically disappear, in an instant, down one's throat. I thought of you all while I stood there at my pantry....the tens of tens of you who support my dreams of skinny by reading this blog. I wanted to resist. I wanted to walk away. And I did finally....only when I scooted over to the fridge, grabbed a Weight Watchers ice cream bar and took it back to bed with me.


I just don't want to step on the scale this week. Next week, I'll make up for all my hormonal, naughty noshing by eating just Alli and Dulcolax sprinkled salads. It is going to be fine. It's way too cold to wear a skimpy red dress right now anyway.

Week 3 - The Full Plate Theory

159 lbs.

Success. Success at long last. Do you know how gratifying it is to be out of the 60's?? It's as gratifying as a cruise ship buffet, that's how gratifying. 

I must admit, I still cheated some last week. There were bites of ice cream and sips of wine on Saturday. Like the zippers in my too-tight pants, my will power is weak. I indulge on weekends. During the week, howevs, I'm on Points like no one's business.

I am - and will always - be a work in progess with this healthy lifestyle thing. That is when I'm not digressing, of course...(but I digress). Being structured does not come naturally to me.

Still, I may have discovered a little secret to what will work best as I aim not just for a balanced weight, but a balanced life....

Avoid having a full plate.

When it comes to being stretched, I'm already thin - my commute, my job, my family and friends, my house, the laundry, stealing time for just myself - managing it all is an exhausting challenge (especially for someone whose energy level is admittely low due to lack of excercise...). I don't think I'm unique to any other woman in this regard, in fact, compared to many I have a slight advantage - one husband on whom I can depend, zero children who depend on me!

This weekend, for the first time in 2010, I was not traveling. I had no committments to anyone. I got to sleep in, plan meals, take down the last of the Christmas decor (yes, really), clean, and search for pieces of clothing that have been hiding in my scary laundry room. I got to rest. And, if I had made excericse a priority there would have been time to go the gym. That's next week's challenge...

I'm discovering that every side dish on the plate that is my life contributes to my weight. When there is time to go to the grocery store, I have healthy food on hand. When there's a side of urgency, I order pizza. When the dishwasher is empty and the counters are clean, I get excited about cooking a low-fat meal. When there's a side of kitchen clutter, I order Chinese.  When I am not sporting some MSG bloat, I feel more attractive, so I take more time to do my face and hair, and feel better about myself. When there's a side of confidence, I want to savor every bite!

While some people celebrate at the finsih line of a 10k, I just count small victories - like knowing what I am going to cook Monday - Friday, or not feeling guilty if I turn down an invite to happy hour. With every battle I win - or at least fight - I feel like victory in the battle of my bulge becomes more sustaniable.

When you don't keep a full plate, it's easier to lose weight.

 Time dieting: 3 weeks

Total weight lost to date: 4 pounds

Weeks 1 & 2 - Good Fortune meets Bad Choices

162.4 lbs.

The photo above is of the fortune that came inside my cookie last night at dinner. By telling you this, you know that I ate Chinese food. It wasn't just steamed veggies, either...

I knew when I started this bite-by-bite account of dieting that I'd have to tell you about when I failed....I just didn't think it'd happen before the end of January.

Well..it has.

During Week 1, when I dropped down from 163 to 160.2 (average weight loss for me when I'm doing well is about 1 - 2 pounds a week) I started drafting a bragadocious blog about how easy this has been. It's true that while I stayed in the structure of my packed lunches and the safety of my own kitchen that I was not tempted to make bad choices. I ate non-stop....on grapes, rice cakes, apples and lean chicken!  Cheating meant two Hershey's Kisses after dinner. I have a sweet tooth that must be fed.

I was weighing every other day, on a scale that gives weight down to the ounce, and I was dropping ounces with each weigh-in. Things were going well.

Until this weekend.

Let me start by telling you my current weight: 162.4 pounds.

Now let me tell you how I got there (from 160.2) in a matter of days:

I went to Tennessee, and admittedly left my Weight Watchers Points Plan at home.

I hosted a baby shower. While I prepared the food, I snacked on everything. A bite of pimento cheese here, a quick taste of ice cream there. Oh, and there was cake. I had a piece.

I had some wine, too. Some = 3 glasses. I had this wine with two of my oldest friends and honestly, even if I knew it'd play a part in setting me back two pounds, I think I'd still have had it. (Or maybe I would have stopped at the second glass.) Sometimes it's worth it to indulge in your situation. I had such a fabulous time, I'd do it again. I'd just maybe not snack on chips, salsa and quesadillas, too. Some people smoke when they drink; I eat.

I also get hangovers. Oh, the perks of the 30's... I cure hangovers with carbs. So my medicine for a night on the town was a breaded pretezel and half a meatball sub from Mellow Mushroom, a bowl of spahgetti and a giant Sprite (not all at once....but still).  

Last night, Mr W (who has lost 7 pounds after making only marginial changes to his really terrible eating habits - life is so unfair!) and I ordered Chinese food. Why stop after a stellar 3-day weekend of binging? Though my portion was very small, I ate chicken fried rice, and two crab rangoons.  At this point, I'd already stepped on the scale to meet my 2-ish pound gain. So when I popped open my fortune, I felt it near divine.

"You will make change for the better"

I will make changes for the better because - wow - two pounds over a weekend? That easily explains 14 pounds over four months.


Time dieting: 2 weeks
Total weight lost to date: 12[dissappointing] ounces

The First Step

163 lbs.

I am an avoider. I don't like to balance my checkbook because I don't want to even know what's not there. If I think you're mad at me, it's easier for me to just hide. You can imagine, then, how I approach weighing.

Until the first week of the new year, it had been four months since I had stepped on a scale. Since those four months I got married, and went on an indulgent honeymoon.

Eating my way through Spain with Mr. W

Though I swore when I returned I would continue with the starvation, Alli sensible eating habits I'd practiced for two months pre-nupts that had delivered some success, I did not. I allowed myself to eat with total abandon everything spicy {jambalaya}, sour {candy!}, salty {chips & queso} and sweet {I really don't discriminate when it comes to sugar}of which I had deprized myself before the wedding. With every week that passed, I'd offer the same disclaimer to anyone watching my caloric collapse: Next week I'm going back on Weight Watchers.  I just never did.

"Next week" turned into 14 pounds.

Yes, there was Thanksgiving, and Christmas...but still. 14 pounds? A consistent weight gain at that rate would have me...well, I'm terrible with numbers, but in a short time it'd make me very over-weight. The Red Tent Report?? No thank you.

Getting on a scale consistently is never fun...but neither is going up jean size. It's a whole lot harder to drop pounds if you don't know how many you're holding. You have to weigh to track the consistencies in your your body's response to the changes you've made in your diet.

Weighing for some, myself including, is the hardest step to take towards whatever your weight loss goal is, but I think (after throwing out all the candy from your cabinets) it's the most important one. I wish I had gotten on at Pound 7 instead of at Pound 14.

Since facing reality I have been back on the scales. I'm happy to report progress. I'll share more about that next week...

Coming Out of the Closet

This red dress has hung in my closet for three years. I bought it at a vintage store, the Remix, on Capitol Hill. For months I'd hit the gym every morning. I'd been so smart in the lunches I packed and the suppers I'd cooked. I hadn't graduated to a life without Spanx, but for the first time since my teens my body was strong, healthy and fit. I looked nice in clothes. Shopping had become fun again.

I trotted into the Remix feeling so happy that I could possibly buy something from the store besides jewelry; vintage clothes run ridiculously tiny. I picked that little red frock knowing I would dress it down in the summer with flat sandals, and style it up with stillettos to wear at Christmas.

I HAVE NEVER WORN THIS DRESS.


Something about being able to wear small clothes made me think I had arrived, forever, into Club Skinny. Skinny people can eat burgers, drink margaritas and skip yoga class. Because skinny people are human, too, I'm sure they do....just not every single day. No one told me that when I sneaked my way into the Club. I grew out of the red dress before I ever got a chance to wear it.


The red dress has become the gauge I keep hanging in my closet for evaluating the progress of my weight loss. When I start diets, this dress is always in the back of my mind. If I could just get back to my red dress weight, I tell myself.


Weeks before my wedding in September 2009, the dress zipped. Even with proper undergarments it didn't look right for wearing, but it zipped. I vowed to wear it to my friend Anne's wedding rehearsal in December.


I wore this, instead...

I am 5'3. I weigh 163 pounds. There, I said it.


I am not obese, and I want to think, not even fat. I am, however, too large for my frame. I am too large for my clothes - the red dress, and most everything else in my wardrobe that now fits my body like casing to sausage. Most importantly, I am too large for my health.


Gearing up to lose weight does not frustrate me. I've done it so many times before that it's old hat. It's maintaining a healthy weight that has become my true handicap.


I have kept journals and used writing to soldier my way through every struggle I have ever stomached in life. I've just never shared them with anyone. Why I am sharing this, I can't quite say.


Candidness inspires me in others, and perhaps part of me thinks making my record of the red dress public will foster an accountability in myself that nothing else has..not class reunions, not my own wedding, not even a family history of heart disease.


I'm coming out of the closet with the story of my weight struggles, at least until I can go back in to, pull out my red dress and, at long last...wear it!